Let it be known that I mean not to disconnect myself from readers, but to protect all those involved by withholding certain details from this forum. This can serve as a wonderful forum for those who can benefit from my experiences and information I have to share. However, this has to be a safe haven for myself as well. In order for that to work, identities must be kept in the shadows. I will use different names, but I refuse to use "step-mother" jargon, for which I have commonly read in other parenting forums like: MM (Maternal Mother) and SD (Step-Dad). I have come here to write and writing is what I shall do. No abbreviations needed!
I have only just begun the magical world of marriage recently. My husband (we'll call him Brian) and I have been together for about five years or so, but only decided to make it legal just this year. I have two beautiful step-daughters. I have been involved in their lives since the eldest was five years old (we'll call her Penny) and the youngest since she was three years old (we'll call her Lilly). They have unconditionally accepted me with open arms with little need for negotiation or coaxing. It perhaps, has been all too easy. The exception here, is that it took my some mild consideration to be involved in this lifestyle. I did not have a crystal ball for step-motherhood.
The home life is not where it ends, of course. The parenting arrangement is 50% custody for both parents. It is likely the most harmonious of all parenting arrangements you have ever heard about and it functions like a well oiled machine... most of the time. This machine will, on occasion, need an update or routine maintenance.
While the sun cannot shine all the time, it can certainly shine most of the time. It's important to understand a main idea here which is:
No home is primary, no parent is secondary and every parent is 100% involved even if the children are not with them 100% of the time.
The children come first. This guiding concept allows for everything else to simply fall into place.
The children are loved. Everyone involved has a strength and reason for being a part of their lives (obvious reproductive reasons aside). I stated in the last post that I truly believe this what meant to be for me... I say this not only for me. I believe those girls give me purpose. They are my mirrors, inspiration and motivation. They allow me to maintain my soul to be the best person I can be each and every day, whether they are physically with me or not. These girls are my best friends. I am their mother. They are my daughters. We love beyond the biology.
The unknown did not frighten me, it's annoyed me!
My inability to plan, precisely, what can and will happen in the near and distant future is bewildering. I need clarification. I need security. You get NONE OF THIS with this lifestyle. Batteries are not included. Do not have expectations of any kind, because they will not be met. You are permanently sharing your world.
Make no assumptions and read your instructions before attempting to assemble this machine... you'll likely have to do it blind-folded.
No comments:
Post a Comment